Have you ever felt...

Like someone was just stringing you along? Have you ever realized that someone had no intention of following through on something they promised... and then worst of all you find out through the internet? Yah, that's what just happened to me. I feel like I've been slapped. Not a good feeling. Also is it wrong of me because I'm happy that a bunch of fake people are leaving? Sooo excited about that. Though sometimes I don't even know why I try anymore to do everything and be everything. Honestly I can't even keep my laundry clean and put away... I need to have a little me time. I want to be selfish... I've gotten myself in way over my head with all of my kids. I love them dearly, but they are a lot to handle at once. I'm hoping it's easier. I wouldn't give up any of them, but sometimes I feel like it would have been more prudent for me to only have 1 or 2 kids... then I could be a better wife and mom.
I'm super excited for Christmas, and I can't wait to go to Maryland... I keep saying we are going hoping that by saying it, it will magically happen, but honestly right now I just feel so blah that I don't think it will.
And I want more than anything to go to the gym tomorrow so I can run, but I need to go to the chiropractor's office... but if I do that I won't have time to go to the gym... I'm thinking of running home from the chiropractor but I'm a little nervous because I don't want to be without my phone... even though it will be in broad daylight and on busy streets I just feel like I'm inviting trouble if I don't have my phone with me. I guess I could always stick it in my bra strap but I imagine that running might make condensation build up inside my phone from the heat of my skin compared to the air... I don't know... guess everyone will find out tomorrow. It's somewhere between 3-4 miles from Dr. Fuh's to our house. It's not that far, I've gone a lot farther than that before, but I'm normally on a treadmill. The last time I was outside daily for exercise was over 5 years ago when I was a nanny. What I wouldn't give to be back in Ellicott City and have the Trolley Trail to jog on! Also when I lived on campus at OU I was able to walk several places. I miss walkability. Tulsa needs more trees shading the roads and more sidewalks that are wider. I'm thinking that maybe I'll start running home from Dr. Fuh's on Tuesday's and Thursday's so that when the older kids are in school soon I can just get a jogger and run to the gym, then lift and shower, then have danny drive us back... I just have to get a new jogger and figure out an easy way to attach it to the roof of the Jeep.
Anyway I'm back to the gym and losing weight again, and since I can't have anymore children, hopefully by my birthday I'll be back to my pre-pregnancy size. That would be awesome. I'm determined to make the year between my 27th and 28th birthday the best one yet!